I show up to my first day around a half hour early. Partly because I was still figuring out how long it took to get from point A to point B on the subway and partly because I like being punctual. I take the elevator to the xxth floor. The doors open and I'm was greeted by a waiting room full of unruly folks waiting for their classes, and to get their free Metrocards, and whatever else goes on at my job. I walk up to the security guard and tell him I am supposed to start work today and I have to meet with Esther. He tells me to take a seat in the lobby. I look at the lobby and decide to stand. Ten miutes go by and I'm starting to think the security guy thinks I'm here for the job program and NOT as an employee. I go up to him again and ask him if Esther is in yet and that I'm supposed to start work soon so I need to meet with her. He tells me again to go wait in the lobby. After a few more minutes, a woman asks me if I'm here to get my free Metrocard. I explain to her that I'm not a client, and I am supposed to be working HERE IN THIS BUILDING starting TODAY at 9am. She seems confused, but tells me Esther will be in soon to take care of me.
After several more minutes, another employee walks by. The security guard tells him I'm supposed to start work today and I'm supposed to meet with Esther. I go through my whole story AGAIN about being an employee IN THIS BUILDING. He looks at me and says he'll take care of everything in a few minutes. I am finally kind of relieved. I take a seat in a less unsavory waiting area, and a couple of the other temps that were hired with me begin to file in. We make some chit chat and then the guy comes out to lead me to his office.
I try and make some small talk with him, but he is being a Grade A dick to me by not answering me. I take a seat at his desk, which is in a subsection of the office that looks like it used to be a normal office, but then someone set a bomb off inside of it and after the smoke cleared, they dumped all of the early 80's electronic equipment in the empty spaces. This is not a classy place.
The guy (to this day, I still don't know his name) types some nonsense on his computer for a few minutes without acknowledging me. I sit and stare into space. After the long awkward silence, he turns to me and says, "So is this your first time getting a Metrocard?".
I almost fucking lose it, but keep my composure once again and tell him, "I told you already, I am NOT a client. I work HERE, in THIS BUILDING. I start TODAY". He apologizes and hauls me off back to the waiting area.
After more sitting and waiting, 9:30 rolls around and Esther FINALLY shows up. She apologizes and tells me and the rest of the temps that if she remembered she had hired us she would have come in earlier. I don't know who is reading this, and I don't know your personal job history, but let me tell you something. If even a fraction of this happens to you on your first day of work, I assure you, the company you will be working for is most likely managed very poorly.
After all of this bullshit, Esther leads us into the file room. There are 5 of us temps. There's 3 other employees already in the File Room and one more is absent. The room is 90 degrees. There's a whole in the ceiling to let the vent air through. It doesn't help. We are given "busy work" to do (This has been a common thing with every temp job I've had. We were told to Alphabetize some paper work (Actually, we were told to put the paperwork in "ABC Order" (by a grown up))) Until Esther can get her shit together and place us in our "real" jobs. She estimates she'll be ready for us at around noon, but we sit there until 4:30 putting papers in "ABC Order" until Esther brings us into a room for our orientation. I use the time to get to know (or silently judge) my new co-workers. First impressions will be written about ad nauseum in the next xxxx, so we'll skip over that for now.
During our orientation, it turns out that 3 of us were hired to do this ABC Order Paperwork position full time and 2 of us were hired to do the Data Entry. At first Esther says we would be switching positions to make things fair, and I'm about to lose my shit once again because I am not down with this ABC order bullsquid, but luckily she corrects herself and says she's not allowed to switch our positions (I find out a couple weeks later it's because me and the other Data Entry dude were hired at a higher pay scale) so my cushy Data Entry job in an actual office with A.C. and windows is safe from these mongrels (Or so I thought at the time). After we go over the company rules and regulations, we get to spend the rest of the day in the file room, and tomorrow we will be properly placed into the actual positions we were hired for.
This was the most stressful first day of work I've ever had, and all I did was put some papers in ABC Order for a few hours. I knew at the end of my first day that I was beginning one of the most awesome jobs I would ever have.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Beginning.
Hi, I'm Mike. Nice to meet you.
I recently moved to Brooklyn, NY from...somewhere that wasn't New York. I am what you would call a professional Temp. I spend my 9-5 hours doing mundande office work for whoever will pay me the most. Since moving to the Big Apple is a huge move for anyone, I decided to stick to what I knew and throw my resume at a few Temp Agencies for work. I was interviewed at one temp. agency and within a few days I had a semi-long term assignment.
Now if you are reading this, and you are someone I've known for a long time, you may have read about my exploits at the NY State DMV (See: Ipecac For the Soul #2. All time classic), or if we are physical and emotional friends, you probably know by now that I get involved with these ridiculous jobs somewhat regularly (See: My Life 2002-2009). Let me tell you dear friend, all that shit I went through for the last 7 years was just training and prep work for my new proposed 3 month assignment.
For obvious reasons, I can't give you specific details as to where I work. I can tell you I work at a company in Manhattan. It is a company that specializes in getting people who are a little down on their luck (i.e. ex-cons, people on public assistance, addicts, general fucktards) back into the workforce. I'm sure they have programs like this all over the country, but I think being in New York has made this particular office a little more...off the hook than your average back to work program.
What do I do there? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Well, I do nothing important. I make spreadsheets all day. I've come to the conclusion I was hired to make spreadsheets all day because none of the current employees are qualified to do such a thing. I'll get back to this later though.
So this office is a little on the grimy side of things. I mean, they work with what they have, but it's not like a fancy New York City office you would see in popular television sitcoms such as Living Single and My Two Dads. It's a one level office with several room. The walls are mustard yellow, but it's hard to tell if that's intentional or if they have been stained from old age. Either way, it's one of those shades of yellow left over from the drab painters palettes of the 1970's. When you walk in there's a waiting room for the clients which is always a madhouse. From the waiting room, the office trails of into two hallways that form a fucked up horseshoe shape at some point, but truthfully, I don't go wandering around too much. The majority of the rooms are used for the clients to learn job skills. Then there's a few more rooms on the opposite side for the higher ups. There is a mens and womens public bathroom. There are no separate employee bathroom which is, not to get melodramatic, but it's terrifying. We also have a break room which I've only been in twice because, fuck that. The final room is where I work. The File Room. A windowless, humid 10x20 room that is shared with 7 other people. My "desk" is a fold-up utility table that is permanantly sticky from who knows what. I work on a mid 2000's donated laptop that doesn't have real internet on it. The other guy I do the spreadsheet job with sits beside me on another fold-up utility table about 8 inches away from me, and that's being generous. I was lucky enough to get a real (albeit cheap) office chair, but he's stuck with your common waiting room chair. No swivel, no height adjustment. Nothing. My office is the City of God and I happen to be stuck in the tiniest most broken down Favela for 8 hours a day.
So this is the beginning. Next I will tell you about my first day and the poeple I work most closely with. I'll put all of the needed disclaimers right here: Names will be changed to protect the innocent. Events will be fabricated only if I'm in fear of being stabbed. If I say mean shit about some people, I don't really mean it. I love them, and I love you. That is the most important disclaimer.
xoxoxoxo
I recently moved to Brooklyn, NY from...somewhere that wasn't New York. I am what you would call a professional Temp. I spend my 9-5 hours doing mundande office work for whoever will pay me the most. Since moving to the Big Apple is a huge move for anyone, I decided to stick to what I knew and throw my resume at a few Temp Agencies for work. I was interviewed at one temp. agency and within a few days I had a semi-long term assignment.
Now if you are reading this, and you are someone I've known for a long time, you may have read about my exploits at the NY State DMV (See: Ipecac For the Soul #2. All time classic), or if we are physical and emotional friends, you probably know by now that I get involved with these ridiculous jobs somewhat regularly (See: My Life 2002-2009). Let me tell you dear friend, all that shit I went through for the last 7 years was just training and prep work for my new proposed 3 month assignment.
For obvious reasons, I can't give you specific details as to where I work. I can tell you I work at a company in Manhattan. It is a company that specializes in getting people who are a little down on their luck (i.e. ex-cons, people on public assistance, addicts, general fucktards) back into the workforce. I'm sure they have programs like this all over the country, but I think being in New York has made this particular office a little more...off the hook than your average back to work program.
What do I do there? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Well, I do nothing important. I make spreadsheets all day. I've come to the conclusion I was hired to make spreadsheets all day because none of the current employees are qualified to do such a thing. I'll get back to this later though.
So this office is a little on the grimy side of things. I mean, they work with what they have, but it's not like a fancy New York City office you would see in popular television sitcoms such as Living Single and My Two Dads. It's a one level office with several room. The walls are mustard yellow, but it's hard to tell if that's intentional or if they have been stained from old age. Either way, it's one of those shades of yellow left over from the drab painters palettes of the 1970's. When you walk in there's a waiting room for the clients which is always a madhouse. From the waiting room, the office trails of into two hallways that form a fucked up horseshoe shape at some point, but truthfully, I don't go wandering around too much. The majority of the rooms are used for the clients to learn job skills. Then there's a few more rooms on the opposite side for the higher ups. There is a mens and womens public bathroom. There are no separate employee bathroom which is, not to get melodramatic, but it's terrifying. We also have a break room which I've only been in twice because, fuck that. The final room is where I work. The File Room. A windowless, humid 10x20 room that is shared with 7 other people. My "desk" is a fold-up utility table that is permanantly sticky from who knows what. I work on a mid 2000's donated laptop that doesn't have real internet on it. The other guy I do the spreadsheet job with sits beside me on another fold-up utility table about 8 inches away from me, and that's being generous. I was lucky enough to get a real (albeit cheap) office chair, but he's stuck with your common waiting room chair. No swivel, no height adjustment. Nothing. My office is the City of God and I happen to be stuck in the tiniest most broken down Favela for 8 hours a day.
So this is the beginning. Next I will tell you about my first day and the poeple I work most closely with. I'll put all of the needed disclaimers right here: Names will be changed to protect the innocent. Events will be fabricated only if I'm in fear of being stabbed. If I say mean shit about some people, I don't really mean it. I love them, and I love you. That is the most important disclaimer.
xoxoxoxo
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